A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
