There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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