I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
