Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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