idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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