Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I intend to get homeless drunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
