the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
