My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
