I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize