I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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