I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
