i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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