the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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