You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
