All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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