Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
