New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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