I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
