please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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