Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
