i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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