I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
