making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
