and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
birth control should be required to get into college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
