Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
