do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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