I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told me they were just razor bumps!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
