i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
