I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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