i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
