So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
