You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
