It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
pop tarts are not kleenex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
