If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
