The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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