Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
