I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
