My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
