Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
