theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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