its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
