Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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