Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
And then he peed in my hair
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