if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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