He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
