i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
