Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
