I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
