"it" just moved
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
