I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
