The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
